lay your head down on me
by titania eli
Summary: Celestial Spirits were all asexual. This was not a known fact to humans. Also known as the fic where Loke finds himself having to explain to Lucy that he does not, in fact, love sex despite his womanizing reputation.
Loke does not like sex.

Celestial Spirits were all asexual by nature. They were a species made to protect and defend their owners, so the biological need to breed and reproduce was not instilled in them.  
However, that does not means they could _not_ have sex. Some of them were irrationally repulsed by even the thought of sex, but in Loke's case, he does not mind the act of lovemaking, although he tried to avoid it if possible.

The three years spent as a fallen star, exiled from his home in the heavens, he indulged in sex and the pleasure of flesh. Or perhaps the truth was that he never particularly enjoyed the sex, just found the motions a good way to distract from his impending death. He still has goosebumps from all the invasive touches and the intrusion in his personal space, more bad than the good kind of goosebumps.

Perhaps it was a form of punishment to himself, a penance to the woman he once loved.

Karen Lilica had enjoyed sex, reveled in the sensuality of her body. She was a terrible owner, but she wasn't always like that. But terrible and abusive as she was, she has never once forced him to do anything he was uncomfortable with.

He sometimes wondered what his guildmates would think of this; the notorious womanizer of Fairy Tail - being utterly indifferent to sex?

They would have choke in disbelief and incredulity, and wondered if they had suddenly been transported into another world and met his alternate self. _Would he_ , he briefly mused, _even exist in an alternate world?_

It never used to matter before. He has lived for far too long that he have forgotten his actual age to even bother with such trivialities of his sexuality. Or even care if anyone knew about it.

But things were different now. He has a _family_ now, outside of his own sisters and brothers of the Celestial Spirits. Comrades that would tear down the world if even a single strand of hair was harmed on his body.

And he was dating Lucy. He wasn't sure what to call this... _thing_ between the both of them. Surely, she fancied him as her boyfriend, but somehow, the title sounded lacking in his head. He felt like she deserved more than simply the title of 'Loke's girlfriend', because she was so much _more_ than that.

Lucy had been pleasantly surprised at his gentlemanly attitude. Despite his flirtatious nature, he never touched her without her permission. Even when he reached forward to kiss her, he'd paused and glanced at her for permission. They never went beyond hand holding and cuddles and light kisses on her lips.

As much as Lucy was pleased and impressed by Loke's self-control, she was still a grown woman. It did not help when her partner was so attractive, and a hell of a tease, unknowingly or not.

She always held herself back, contented to watch and wait for Loke to make the first move. He had been the one to declare his admiration and love for her, the one to reach forward and take her hand, to tuck her golden hair behind an ear and kiss her on the lips. So she had naively expected that when they finally does _it_ , it would also be Loke to make the first move.

But he never did.

She was frankly tired of waiting. She had such a beautiful man, all hers to touch and admire without shame, and she was a little embarrassed that she had not make use of that privilege yet. Perhaps she was too old-fashioned in her thinking. She had been raised as a proper lady after all.

But she was no longer Lucy Heartfilla. She was Lucy of Fairy Tail, Celestial Spirit Mage and girlfriend of Loke. She was going to make the first move this time round.

Dates with Loke was romantic and fun every time. He knew how to make her laugh, and how to make her heart flutter with awe and adoration. When he was with her, he seemed to act more like himself than the flirtatious and charming playboy he portrayed in public. There was something soft in his expression whenever they were alone, and Lucy felt unreasonably jealous whenever she thought of Loke looking at his past girlfriends like _that._

And then immediately she would feel ashamed of feeling jealous, because Loke was _old_ and still unbearably kind and gentle and after they got together, he kept his flirting to a minimum.

The day had ended after their date at the travelling circus that visited Magnolia only once every three years and a fantastic dinner at her favorite restaurant. Lucy felt airy and _happy_ , like she was floating up amongst the clouds. Her chest felt like it was going to explode from inside out from the sheer emotions she was feeling, and when her kisses started becoming more enthusiastic, Loke had not objected.

Her hair fell free from the stylish bun, blond locks spilling down her back, and the bow at the small of her back unloosed. Her bare skin prickled, not from discomfort but from pleasure at Loke's ministrations against her throat. The euphoria was seductive, and Lucy had wanted to do this for a _long_ time. Her hands slipped under Loke's shirt, and she felt him shivered from the touch. Driven by his reaction, she reached up to unbutton his shirt.

If she had not stopped to remove his clothes, perhaps she would have missed the split second look of unease on his face.

She froze, fingers stilling and wondering what she had done wrong.

"Lucy?" Loke asked, voice raspy and sending a thrill of lust down her spine. She squashed down her arousal to focus on his face. He had taken off his sunglasses hours ago, and his hazel eyes were half-lidded, almost amber under the light. Once again, she wondered at her good fortune to have such a beautiful man as her lover.

"Are you alright?" She blurted out. He looked surprised at her concern, blinking up at her in confusion. "Did I do something wrong? You don't look like you're enjoying this."

Dread sank down in her belly like lead, her arousal slowly fading away. She suddenly felt like an idiot, shamed tears welling up in her eyes. Her insecurities came back like a vengeance, and she felt even more horrible at placing her issues first over her concern for Loke.

"Wha- Oh, Lucy." Loke hastily sat up, his jacket sliding off one shoulder. His shirt collar was upturned from their brief make out session, exposing his slender throat and his olive shoulder and the dip of his collarbone. Despite her sunken mood, her eyes were still inevitably drawn to the exposed skin.

"Hey," Loke whispered, nudging her lightly. "You done nothing wrong, okay? You're good. You're more than good, alright. I don't want to sound cliche, but it's not you. It's me."

She stared at him, not understanding.

"I," He stuttered, and stopped. He has never cared about what mortals thought of him before, so why was he suddenly so shy in front of Lucy? Like the thought of being indifferent to sex make him felt inferior all of a sudden. It felt like he could not give her more - the woman he loved more than anything in this world what she deserved.

Lucy was not only a kind mistress. She treated all her Celestial Spirits her friends, like they were her equals. Loke would forever be grateful to her for saving his life back then, but it felt like he would always be constantly befuddled by this strange human who never once treated him like a mere weapon and a tool to be thrown aside once he becomes redundant.

"Loke?" Lucy frowned, worried at the conflicted look on his face.

He took a deep breath. "I don't like sex."

Large brown eyes blinked. The incredulity he had expected settled over her face, but there was no judgement in her eyes. She could tell he was not joking around with her.

"Celestial Spirits are asexual." He explained, wanting to fill the suffocating silence between them. His voice was uncharacteristically shaky and nervous, nearly stammering over his words. "We are magical creatures created to protect our human owners. We are infertile anyway, so the need to have sex is unnecessary. Some of us loathe sex so much that the thought makes them ill, but some of us aren't so bad." He could see comprehension and understanding on her expression, lips tilted down in a thoughtful frown. "I never really like sex. Never get used to it, even though I'm so old. It's not really sex itself that makes me uncomfortable. It's the thought of people _touching_ -" He broke off, suddenly anxious that Lucy would take this the wrong way.

"Why didn't you ever tell me this?" She asked softly. "You never said anything whenever I touched or kissed you before."

Loke was relieved that she had not laugh. Here he was, womanizer and playboy of their guild, confessing that he never really enjoyed sex? His other girlfriends would have accused him of lying straightaway.

But he has never loved any of them, hasn't he? He was fond of some of them; beautiful, vivacious women full of life were his weakness after all. But Lucy was the only one he loved in such a long time.

"I don't mind us kissing. I like kissing." He murmured, suddenly shy. "I like it when you kiss me, when you run your fingers through my hair and bit at my throat."

Lucy's throat went a little dry, and she swallowed with slight difficulty.

"I just don't feel comfortable when things get a little... heavy." He shrugged, trying to play it off as nothing huge. But Lucy could see through him easily, saw the anxiety behind his calm demeanor.

"But I heard..." Lucy trailed off, blushing as she stammered.

Loke gave her a small, crooked grin, tired and amused all at once. "That I have been sleeping around with women when I was exiled?" His smile faltered, and he could tell that he was entering into sensitive territory. "They were true. But I have never enjoyed the sex."

"Oh." Lucy looked like she does not really understand, blinking owlishly. She looked so adorably confused, and Loke has a sudden urge to kiss the frown away from her brows.

"Then why..." Her frown deepened and her angry gaze cut over towards him, eyes smoldering with protective fury. "Did they _forced_ you?"

"No, no, Lucy. It's not like that." He hurried to assure her, although the well of feelings forming in his chest suddenly felt too big for him to contain at her love for him. He still could not believe he has her sometimes. "I liked them. I mean, I was fond with a few of them. They never forced me to do anything, okay? I wanted to."

Lucy puffed up, stunned into silence, probably warring between her anger and confusion.

"Don't tell me you did it to punish yourself?" She demanded. "Some form of atonement towards Karen?"

She really knew him, he thought in fondness. But she wasn't entirely right.

"Something like that." He answered, averting his gaze. "But mostly I did it because I like those girls. They liked me too. I thought..."

Lucy's expression seemed to twist in dread and sudden understanding. She reached over to cup his face, her pink lips turned downwards in pain and sadness. She kissed him lightly on his lips, tentative at first, then more sure the second time.

"You thought that you're obliged to make them feel good in return." She murmured, so close he could taste her breath when she spoke.

He felt ashamed that she understood him so well. He tried to look away, but her hands on his face stopped the movement.

"Sex is not an obligation, Loke. You don't have to do it just because you want to make someone feel good at your expenses." She explained gently. "I want you to tell me everything, okay? I want to know your limitations and how far we can go. And the moment you start feeling uncomfortable, stop me."

"Okay." Loke's reply was so soft she had to strain her ears to hear him, but in his dark eyes reflected a look of surprise and a love so vast that she could feel it swallowing her up if she dug too far. And to be honest, Lucy would willingly dived in and let his love swallowed her up without hesitation.

"I love you, you dork." She grinned, sidling up against him and laying her head against his shoulder. She felt him smiled against the side of her head, knew he understood that she loved and accepted him, and she was grateful that he told her this.

She had thought she knew everything about Loke, but it seemed like she has so much more to learn and understand. The first thing she's going to do was teach him to start caring about himself more.


End file.
